Third time lucky

Seeking employment has been an interesting challenge as a stroke survivor. It has given me an interesting glimpse into the world that many disabled people face on a daily basis. As much as we profess to be an accepting society that does not discriminate, the amount that this affects people's perceptions is clearly evident when it comes to something such as competition for a job. It may not even be a conscious act, however, selecting a candidate is all about picking the best person for the job which can be inherently discriminatory. Add to that the loss of self-confidence from a stroke and the mixture is a potent one for many people who are attempting to create normalcy in their lives after a significant injury or loss.

I am very fortunate to have been surrounded by very positive people. That has clearly been a great influence on the approach to my rehabilitation and to my life journey. I thank my parents for instilling in me a positive approach that focuses on effort rather than achievement.

My job search has brought me to be one of two finalists on three occasions and it appears that this time I have won out. I don't have a formal offer letter in hand yet but that is on its way. So I will shortly be returning to full time work which is kind of the final piece in putting my life back together. It is just over 4 years since my stroke and I have experienced many things that others will not get the opportunity to face. I have grieved a lot and yet I've also celebrated a lot.

This journey has not been of my choosing but what I get out of it is up to me. Nobody gets to choose all the things that happen in their lives, however, they do get to decide how they feel about those events and what they are going to do about them. Keep smiling. Life is ahead of you not behind you.

Almost But Not Quite

Well last Friday I got the news...I was the bridesmaid again. I got to the third interview with a company that had a great work environment and very friendly staff and was down to two candidates but unfortunately they selected the other one. It's interesting because the whole environment felt right - in fact I was sure I was going to be selected so it certainly was a disappointment to say the least. However, on the bright side, it is good for the psyche to realize that I am in the market despite being a stroke survivor. Since this is the second time I have been one of the final two, hopefully it will be third time lucky. Keep your chin up.

I cannot Recover I can Rehabilitate

I had an interesting epiphany today. I came to the realization that I will never be the same as I used to be. I finished a workout of run/walking 9x200 meters and found that my running is still very jerky.

I originally convinced myself that I would fully recover and return to what I used to be able to do. That is what kept me going and gave me focus. I now know that is very unlikely to happen. Earlier in my travels down this road this thought would have been very depressing. This is not to say that I will not run again because I am. However, I will never have the same running style because the muscle motor patterns I have learned are different. The way I move my left leg is different.

What is important to me is that I can still do many things although they are different than they used to be. What I may need to do is find a coach or trainer that can help me improve my performance with the technique that I have developed. Recovering from a stroke I think is a misnomer. I am not going to recover to what I used to be, I am rehabilitating myself physically and cognitively to continue my life to the best of my ability.

Singing in the Rain

Sometimes in life everyone needs to go sing in the rain. Today was one of those days. I am back to job hunting and it can be a very frustrating experience. It can also be hard on one's sense of confidence. One of the challenges I still deal with on a regular basis is maintaining a sense of self confidence in light of the changes that have occurred. Job hunting is really brutal because it is all about being judged and whether you are "good enough" to do the job.

I got email this morning from my wife who shared a story about a patient she was seeing had been essentially blind for 20 years because of a surgery gone wrong. She was able to help him with a donated low vision aid that allowed him to read for the first timer in 20 years. I think of that and realize that my challenges are not so huge. So today when I got another rejection on the job hunt, I went for a walk/run in the rain. If I'm not working I might as well work on getting in shape. That is something I can control - although the weather is another matter.

The importance of Independence

Last weekend I went to Squamish to help out with an Aphasia camp by leading the cycling activity. The cycling went well but the real bonus came from the people who wanted to try out my trike. One man who I will call Mr. H. has the ability to use a cane but spends most of his time in a wheelchair. Well we got him on the trike and got his feet strapped so he could use both legs and off he went. Although he only rode up and down the driveway, the look on his face when he went by me made the whole trip worthwhile. The other two people had the same reactions of exaltation.

I think I ignited the spark in a few more people to help them rehabilitate themselves. For these people to see that there is more to what they are capable of is an incredible feeling. I hope they follow through on it.

I Did it

I am happy to say that the rains held off and I was able to complete the ride in 7 hours and fifty minutes. The first 60 plus kilometers to Squamish took me 3 hours and 5 minutes. The next slightly less than 60 kilometers took 4 hours and 45 minutes. It's not hard to tell which segment had the most hills. I had hoped to break 8 hours but I was really unsure how slow I would be with all those hills. It's hard to believe but I actually finished ahead of 40 people who had recorded times.

Unfortunately I have been unable to register for next year yet since they have made a decision not to allow recumbents next year for some reason I have yet to fathom. I am hoping that they will reconsider since I want to see if I can improve on this year's time.

One week to Go

Well it has been challenging training for this event as my normal training buddies have quickly out paced me as their training has ramped up. Although I have had more time than I expected, I still have found it hard to get some of the longer rides in. My longest ride to date has been only 90 km. I am very slow on the uphills. That is partly from my fitness level and partly because of my trike. I have been averaging about 100 - 150 km per week cycling so I am hoping that will be enough. I am not worried about finishing the ride, however, the segment from Squamish to Whistler has a lot of climbing and last year on the Rodger's Pass leg I averaged only 10 km per hour. I need to average about 15 km per hour to make the time cutoff. I feel like I am ready though. Yesterday I rode 40 km in fastest time ever post stroke @ 1:56:33PS. I have decided that my times in events now will be followed with a PS for post-stroke.

As a side note, my running/jogging is starting to progress. I can now go for about 400 yards before I have to walk, but I did walk/run for 6 km. I can actually run long enough to elevate my breathing rate so it is becoming an aerobic activity. I am hoping that the wound in my leg will be sufficiently healed to go back to swimming in October. One of the after effects of my stroke is the swelling in my weak leg from the blod clot I had during my hospital stay. The swelling inhibits the healing process for flesh wounds so I haven't been able to go in the water since March.

Now if I can just find a job. Happy recovering.

I am giving serious thought to returning to triathlon as a TTRI3 disabled athlete.