Less Than Month to Go

Realization has come finally that I am less than a month from starting this challenge. I have been riding between 80 and 120 kilometres per week, however, that will jump to my daily ride in just over three weeks. I am pleased that my left leg is spinning much better than when I first started riding, however, I am now really noticing how much fitness I have lost since my stroke. I will be doing 180 kilometres over three days this weekend riding three days in a row so that should be an interesting test. I suppose putting all the weight back on that I lost in the hospital hasn't helped. However, I find it hard to find an exercise that my body can do at a hard enough intensity to actually get aerobic exercise. My cycling is just about there, but my running is still just a walk.

The good news is that I honestly think that I am going to be able to ride the whole way now. The $64 question is how long will it take? Now I am trying to spread the word about the fund raising part of the trip.

A Challenging Day

I've had great days and challenging days on my recovery road. Today has been a challenging day. I am working hard these days at finding employment which is a not easy in the current employment market. Another challenge is maintaining a positive attitude when you are constantly being evaluated by people. In our society, one of the big signs of one's worth and one of the first things people ask is - so where are you working? Although I have only recently been capable of working, being unemployed is a bit of an additional stigma. It appears that my disability provider has deemed that I am able to work so my benefits have ended. Finding work is one of the steps in my validating who I am post-stroke.

I have tried to overcome the disabilities that I currently still have through determination and positive attitude, but to an employer who doesn't know me yet is that sufficient to overcome the visible shortcomings I have in their eyes? I don't know the answer to that question yet as I haven't been given that chance. I sometimes wish my employer had handled things differently so that I would have had a job to return to. Returning to work and learning a new job will be challenging. Now I just need someone willing to take the chance and let me do it.

A Great Day

Well today I completed the Rob Leviton Memorial Spring Triathlon. I thought of Rob today a couple of times and saw his daughter Kim a few times at various places on the course. I was truly amazed by the number of people that were on hand at the finish line to see me in. Their encouragement and that of the other athletes was truly special. The race officials were wonderful working very much on an attitude of inclusion for me.
Although I almost panicked during the swim, I was actually 2 minutes faster than I predicted. Getting on the bike though I could feel how much the swim took out of my legs. My legs were pretty tired by the end of the ride. The run/walk leg went very well and I felt quite strong coming to the finish. Even as recent as a year ago I thought my triathlon days were finished. My rehab has made it possible to attempt a race suvch as this and I continue to improve daily on the swim and the bike.
I finished the day at a bar-b-que organized be friends to celebrate my finishing the race. They still don't realize just how much they support me to continue trying and moving forward. I am truly blessed.

Rewards for Pushing Yourself

I got up this morning to a cold grey sky that looked all the world like rain. I had asked my friend Darcy to go for a bike ride with me but I really didn't want to ride in the rain. Since I committed to being there I headed out the door. At the 8 km mark on the road we found the tiniest bear cub I have ever seen in the wild. I'm sure it was a new born. It's fur looked like it had just been blow dried and combed. The poor little guy looked like he had just woken up to see two very weird looking things on wheels. I'd love to have gotten pictures, however, mama bear had yet to put in an appearance so we made lots of noise and then took off once we had passed him. He was still therte on the return loop which was a little more challenging since it was up hill.

The rest of the return leg we saw two deer at one spot and another bear just 1.5 km from the parking lot. Sometimes mother nature rewards you for following through with the hard stuff.

More Supportive People

I am registered to participate in the North Shore Spring Triathlon on May 18. As it will likely take me 3 hours to complete this event, I have had some concerns about how my participation will impact the race. The biggest issue is the swim because I am very slow. Well I just talked to the race director about my concerns and his only real comment was you're doing the race - stop worrying about everything, that's our problem. It is all fine to make rules requiring acceptance of disabled athletes in your events, however, it does cause some interesting challenges for a group of volunteers to solve and work around in order for that to happen. The organizers of this race have openly accepted my participation and never once questioned whether I should be involved. The only questions have been what do I need to modify and how do we make it work. There have been more questions in my mind than theirs. If only the rest of the world was as accepting and willing to modify rules in order for everyone to participate. At least now the only barriers to completion are my own physical ones. Three straight hours of exercise will be a great achievement for me.

Expectations

One of the real challenges as a stroke survivor is dealing with expectations. For me that is how much recovery do I expect to achieve and what does that look like. The problem is that you can't get verification from any medical practitioners because they tell you it is so related to each individual. What I end up with then is my own. But how realistic are they? My track record on realistic expectations has not been great. Afterall I told my boss I would be back to work 3 months post stroke. That was 23 months ago. I had no idea that I had made an impossible committment. However, I guess the important point is how do you deal with the results rather than the goals you set for yourself.

It is hard for me not to measure my worth by the extent of my recovery. I guess in some ways I still grieve for some of the things I have lost because those things so much made up who I was. So how do I set realistic goals to shape who I am to become?

I have registered to participate in the NS Spring Triathlon on May 18. Is this realistic or am I trying to recover some of my pre-stroke activities to prove my worth? My swim will be very slow and I will need to have the race modified in order for me to participate. It will take about 3 hours for me to finish if I do all three events. After my swim on wednesday my goal to complete the whole triathlon seems a bit lofty. However, after some contemplation my thoughts are now to line up a teammate to do the swim if I'm not ready in a month. In that way I can still participate. Afterall no one else expects me to be able to do a triathlon, it is only my own expectations realistic or otherwise.

A Gret Day Yesterday

Yesterday my Team Stroke from the North Shore Stroke Recovery Centre completed the Vancouver Sun Run. Our team consisted of 6 stroke survivors of which five were walkers and one was a runner. The remaining members were staff or volunteers. Everything went well. Our runner came in at 1:03 after expecting 1:10. For several of the walkers it was a celebration to finish. Personally, I was 20 minutes faster than last year @ 2:07:43 which I am pleased with.

I also received an email yesterday from the husband of one of our Young Stroke group who shared some spectacular news. I have reported about her before progressing from 500 steps to 1500 steps using her cane. Well on April 14 she walked 40 steps on her own without any aids. Our walking group has been her inspiration and I can't wait to here her opinions about her new found independence after 2.5 years in a wheelchair. That ability to take your first walking steps unassisted is similar to those of a child's first steps except I don't remember those. I will always remember my first steps post-stroke though. Congrats Elizabeth. It's great to hear about so many achievements.